Down in the dumps

I’ve been in a bloody crap mood since Monday and I’m doing my own head in so I can’t imagine how the people in the same house as me feel!

I had my spine MRI on Monday morning in Walton to see if this damn lumbar puncture has or has not done anything to cause me walking/bouncing/collapsing the way I am (even though doctors insist it’s “unheard of” but if I’d made a biiig mistake that would stop someone walking I would try and cover it up too, so… Anyway.

I didn’t want the contrast +/- injection and I didn’t want to be in there long.

I had to have the damn injection. I was in there for 40 mins that it should have taken… PLUS the hour and twenty minutes that it shouldn’t have taken. Two hours in a big claustrophobic tube! Laaavly. Halfway when they were about to inject the contrast into me, my veins decided to be awkward. A nurse tried and failed, noticing she wasn’t in a vein, she tried the other side, they called a doctor in to have a go, he wanted to go deep into my forearm – I mean, I’ve had a lumbar puncture but no way am I consciously with no pain relief being the baby and needle phobic that I am going to let him put it in there haha!! Wimp I am – so he ‘went in blind’ in the only place I’d let him inside my elbow and thank god he got it.

Only problem then is that I’m used to contrast for head MRI’s and I usually feel fine but because they were doing my WHOLE spine, there was more dye than usual injected so the minute they put me back in I was pelted with an instantheadache that was just not budging whatsoever and I felt so so dizzy it was horrible.

It’s two days later now (Wednesday) and I’ve been pretty much bed bound for the last two days. I’m tired – as usual – I have a massive headache that hasn’t gone away, major upper body pain and a sharp pain behind my eyes that won’t go away. I am on SO much medication but nothing is taking the pain away.

This illness is really starting to get to me. Usually I’m quite positive, people are usually quite shocked at how positive and surprisingly calm and happy I am about things – but now I just feel crap and I can’t put a front on. I don’t know why because it’s what I usually do, but I just can’t.

I read stories about people in America who suffer from the same condition as me but with far less symptoms and are being taken pretty seriously, doctors saying it’s life threatening if this isn’t taken out in a certain amount of time and rushing them in for emergency surgery – but here they just ignore it!! It really infuriates me.

I need a couple of days by myself in bed to get over the pain and stress. It’s really, really, really getting to me now.